IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
