just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
