I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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