you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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