When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
