I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
