I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
