In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
