I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
