Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
