Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
