Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
