..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
