Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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