your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
