So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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