Pants 0. Shit 1.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize