My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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