Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
