I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
bring money and cleavage
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
