Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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