my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
