Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
