Your face is a jimmy john
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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