So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
