I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
false alarm, still single
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
