so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
