How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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