he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize