Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
