remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
