Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
