oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
