he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
