At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
