I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can't special order awesome
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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