rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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