5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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