I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.