Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize