i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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