I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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