Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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