Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
