I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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