i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The Olympian is in my bed
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