Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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