plz talk dirty to me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
