I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
