i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
