I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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