and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
