Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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