i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
