Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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