I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
