everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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