Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
