I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
