i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
