Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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