We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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