She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
