tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
