So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
