whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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