Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
