i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
