Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
