the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
