I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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